Unliving Conditions
by Wonder and Ashes
Summary: Buffy discovers that Harmony is her college roommate, but that doesn't mean the world is ending. Probably.


**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **Story Notes** : So...I'm back? Maybe? I don't know. My muse is nudging me to write Buffy stuff again, so here I am. I want to finish _Bringing_ and I want to post some other stuff as well, but who knows how long my muse will stay still before it bails on me again.

In the meantime, I found an old fic on my laptop from what feels like a lifetime ago. It was supposed to be a season 4 rewrite which included the subplot of Harmony as Buffy's roommate, but I got writer's block and deleted it. Re-reading it again, I realized that the first few chapters could stand on their own as a oneshot, so I've decided to re-post it.

While the fic is set in season 4, there's implications that "Lovers Walk" went a little differently than in canon, with Buffy and Spike talking some more and Buffy finally understanding that Angel never truly loved her.

* * *

So maybe I need to settle in; get used to the college experience. I'm pretty sure I was the same way when I moved from middle school to high school. I mean, that was about four or five years ago so I don't really remember, but…

I take in a deep breath. Willow's fitting in. I can fit in, too. Baby steps. I can make it through the rest of the day without dropping books onto some poor guy's head. And then maybe tomorrow, I may actually be able to hold a conversation with the guy without stuttering over my own words.

But the day can't get any worse, right?

I go to open the door to my dorm but pause when I feel tingles at the back of my neck. Vampire? In the day? I look around but see nothing suspicious. Maybe I'm just feeling things; it's been a long, hectic day. My Slayer senses are getting thrown off by it. I shrug and walk into my new dorm, wondering if my new roommate is there yet…

Oh. Oh my god, no. _No_.

"Harmony?"

The blonde, former Cordette turns to me. I expect her to start complaining loudly – that she's been roomed with such a _loser_ like me – before storming away to get our rooms changed. But instead she gives me a wide smile.

"Buffy! Oh my god, it _is_ you! I couldn't believe it when I saw the picture over there! How are you?"

Is this the same Harmony I went to school with? "I'm good. I didn't know you were gonna be here. I heard you'd gone to…um…"

"France?" She shrugs. "I didn't go in the end. And I ended up getting a scholarship here for a new fashion course they're starting."

And by 'scholarship', she probably means her father paid off the University to get her in. But I don't say that. For some bizarre reason, Harmony's being nice and I don't want to dampen the mood. "Good for you."

She smiles back. "I'm _so_ glad this worked out for us. I've heard so many horror stories about freshman housing." Horror stories. No kidding. I must be living in one. "You took the right side?"

I blink at her question. "Yeah…but if that's what you wanted…?"

"No, no. I just wanted to make sure that's what _you_ wanted."

OK, who is this girl and what has she done with Harmony Kendall? "Thanks."

"You excited for classes?" she then asks, whilst pulling out clothes to hang up. "I took a peak at your schedule. We're both taking pop culture tomorrow! Isn't that awesome?"

Just when I thought this couldn't get any worse… "Painfully awesome."

She pulls out a trash bag and turns it upside down, and I watch in horror as dozens of stuffed unicorns fall out. True, I have my own stuffed animal collection so I can't really complain about that, but I left all but Mr. Gordo at home. This is…too much.

"I bet there's gonna be _a lot_ of parties to go to this week!" Harmony continues, not even noticing my wince. "Not that I'm a crazy partier, or anything! I'm just excited!"

"Yeah. Me, too." So excited that I'm numb from the excitement.

"You know, I'm _really_ glad they put me with somebody cool." Harmony pulls out a rolled-up poster, walks around the bed and proceeds to pin it up on her wall. "I mean, I know we never really got along back in school, and I used to think you were a total loser, but I'm a college girl now. I've matured." The poster is of a unicorn. Wow. "And now we can start over! We can borrow each other's shoes and clothes and we can go shopping… We're gonna have _so_ much fun this year!"

Can't wait.

* * *

One dead vampire bitch later, I'm more settled into the college life. The only issue left to deal with is Harmony, but I guess she's not _that_ bad. I only see her when I'm at the dorm, and sometimes not even then, and we only take one class together.

Which is why I'm at Giles's place, waiting for him to get back while avoiding Harmony until she goes to her next class.

He turns up…after having a run. Giles runs? Since when did Giles run?

"You're not having one of those mid-life things, are you?" I ask. "Because I'm still going 'ick' over the _last_ time you tried to recapture your youth."

"Buffy."

"Sorry." I shrug. "Patrol was slow. Not many vampires around on campus. I felt one, but…whatever it was, it was like…it was following me." I remember back to the previous night; the tingles were there and were unfamiliar, but at the same time I knew I wasn't in any immediate danger. It was weird.

"You didn't investigate?" he asks, taking a seat at the small table and chair in the courtyard.

"I would've, but Harmony was with me," I explain. Why did she have to follow me last night? I mean, I don't have to hide anything from her; everyone at high school knew. But that doesn't give her the invitation to tag along. "And I didn't want her to get hurt."

"You took your roommate patrolling with you?" Giles asks, on the verge of looking disappointed.

And a disappointed Giles is never a good thing. "Well, I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one who could make it." He stares and I roll my eyes. "What do you think, Giles? Besides, Harmony knows who I am, so it's not like I'm trying to keep it a secret, or anything. I told her she couldn't tag along, but she snuck out and caught up with me."

"You should discourage her from that habit."

"I would, but this Harmony's…different now," I explain. I really can't put my finger on what's changed about her. She's a lot friendlier than she used to be, kind of like the change Cordelia went through, but I can't imagine how that change could've come about. What could've happened to her to make her mature like this? "It's like the summer changed her. Instead of a Cordelia clone, she has the temperament of a puppy. And we all know you should never kick a puppy."

It's Giles's turn to roll his eyes. "At least _try_ to keep her safe." He gets up from his seat and goes to head inside.

"You know, it's nice out here," I say, wanting to keep him with me. It'll be lonely without him.

"Yes," he agrees. "I take my tea out here sometimes."

"What are you doing today?" I ask.

He looks surprised. "It's a big day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently inquired about my volume on Demonology, and it has only just occurred to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, and I feel the need to inquire if you're feeling entirely yourself."

I pout. "It's not true. I ask about you all the time." He glares. "OK, so maybe the words don't actually make it out of my mouth, but…I _think_ about it."

"And it's appreciated," he says. "It still doesn't explain why you're hanging around here instead of…rushing off as usual."

I shrug. "It's no big. I just figured I'd…hang here until, you know…Harmony goes to class."

"Ah, I see."

And now I feel bad. "I know, it's probably just me having a bitch attack, but it's not! Me, I mean."

"Buffy," Giles begins, and I already know he's gonna give me one of those important life lesson morals that I don't wanna hear but will learn in the end anyway, "living with somebody is never easy, especially from an only child…"

"Giles, she's driving me insane!" I suddenly snap. And she has been, despite my earlier pretence that everything's peachy. "She keeps going into my wardrobe to look at my clothes, she talks on the phone _way_ too much, she spilt nail polish on my bed sheets and she won't let me put anything in the fridge because of her stupid special diet yogurt! She won't even let me _open_ it! And the yogurt smells funny."

Giles just sighs. "We all have our flaws. You'll do well to learn to tolerate them."

"Or I'll wind up an old lady who only lives with cats?"

"Something like that."

I sigh. "OK. You know what? You're right." I get to my feet. Harmony's made an effort to be my friend, so I should return the favour. "Take a mental picture. This is the new Buffy. Kinder, gentler; roommate extraordinaire."

* * *

Buffy Summers: Vampire Slayer and Roommate Extraordinaire…immediately hides the moment she sees Harmony in the lunch queue.

I hold the tray in front of my face and cut in line, hoping that no one makes a fuss about it.

"Ex-boyfriend or lone shark?"

I turn to face the guy behind me. "Excuse me?"

"The person you're hiding from?" he asks.

I realize he's referring to me not-so-subtly cutting in line. "Oh! Both. Ugly break-up." It could be true, in a way. I did have an ugly break-up, only it was a while ago and I'm _so_ over that now. "I'm sorry, I just cut you-"

"No. Stay," he says with a shrug. "I'll watch your back."

"Thanks."

The line moves forwards and I turn again to get a good look at him. Mr. Nice Guy is a little taller than me, with dark hair and eyes that are a similar colour to mine. He's not that well dressed, though that's to be expected from a college boy. He doesn't look like a slob kind of guy; he doesn't smell bad, or anything. Doesn't give off the sleaze-vibe either, so I think I'm safe.

"Freshman, huh?" he comments.

I cringe. "Is it that obvious?"

"There are signs." He then goes on to tell me how to abuse my dining hall pass, and I can't help but blush as I listen. A guy with a slight bad-boy side – though I think even the nicest guy would do things like this just to get a little extra cash and more food – but also sweet enough to show me how to survive the college experience.

After we're done, I turn to see Willow beckon me over. I signal for her to give me a second and I turn back to Mr. Helpful. "So…those are my… Are you…?"

"No, I have someone waiting." He points over to another table across the cafeteria. "Otherwise I'd… Err…" He hesitates before sticking out his hand. "Parker Abrams. I'm at Kresge Hall."

I accept his hand and we shake. "Buffy Summers. Stevenson."

We separate and I walk over to where my friends are sat. Willow, Oz… I'm surprised to see Xander there, and then I notice a blonde girl I don't recognize sat next to Willow. I guess she's Willow's new roommate; Tara.

"Hey! Say hi to non-college guy," says Xander.

"Not that I mind, but don't the non-college guys usually populate the non-campus?" I ask.

"Usually," he says. "But I just thought I'd come and check in on my girls; see how you're doing."

"And eat off my plate," adds Willow.

"What's the deal, Xand?" I ask, worried. "Parents not feeding you?"

"Sure they do…for a price."

I give him a look of sympathy before turning to Willow. "So, is this…?"

"Oh! Yes. This is Tara, my roommate," she introduces, nodding at the girl sat next to her.

"Nice to meet you," I say.

Tara looks up at me, and I can tell immediately that she's the shy type. "N-nice t-to meet y-you, too."

"She's a Wicca, like me," says Willow. "She knows all about demons and vampires and everything, so we don't have to keep secrets from her."

"Lucky Wils." Now why can't I have a roommate like that? Another Slayer? But then I remember Faith and figure that Harmony's not so bad compared to her. At least she's not a psycho.

"So, spill," says Willow. "Who was that?"

"I don't know," I say, looking over at where Parker is sat with his friends. "Nothing serious, I think. Just…random adorableness."

"So what else is up with the Buff?" asks Xander. "Any vamp action?"

"Not really," I admit. "I felt one following me, but he or she kept his or her distance. I didn't want to investigate because Harmony was with me. She knows, but I don't want her getting hurt."

"Do you think it could be Angel?" asks Willow.

I pause at the mention of my ex-boyfriend. Stalking from a distance is something he would do, but I would've known if it had been him. Plus, he's in LA now. He left right after Graduation to "earn his redemption". At least he realized that he and I can't work. Though he's got it in his head that I'm only _pretending_ not to love him anymore to make things easier. Why didn't I realize before that he owns a very high horse and likes to sit on it 24/7?

"Hi!" Suddenly Harmony is pulling up a chair and sitting next to me. I jump in surprise and scratch the back of my neck. I could've sworn I sensed a vampire in here…

"You all remember Harmony," I say.

"Harmony, hey!" Willow greets her, attempting to be nice. "I haven't seen you since…"

"Graduation." She nods. "Big snake, huh?"

"This is Harmony?" Xander asks. "She's a little more…friendlier than I remember."

"I know," says Harmony. "I feel really, _really_ bad for how I treated you all. But this is me now; the new Harmony!"

I turn to look at her properly. "Is that my sweater?" Roommate extraordinaire, roommate extraordinaire…

"Oh, I didn't think you'd mind," she tells me, at least having the decency to look apologetic about it. "When we get back to the room, you can pick out one of mine if you like? I mean, it's not a problem, is it? Seeing as we're living together. We're almost like sisters now."

Did I miss that growth in our so-called friendship? I realize that all my friends are staring, and it wouldn't be a good idea to get angry in the middle of the cafeteria. "No, it's…it's fine. I just wish you'd asked."

Harmony smiles before picking up her burger.

"So how was your summer vacation?" asks Xander.

"Oh, I was gonna go to France," she explains. "I was _dying_ to see the stores! But things happened and I didn't go."

"There're museums there, too," says Willow.

"Museums?" She looks confused as she takes a bite out of her burger.

Almost as if remembering who she's talking too, Willow catches herself. "Oh, I heard they had them. You know, just a rumour you pick up on the street." Then she frowns. "I thought you were a vegetarian? You know, meat is too fatty?"

For a moment Harmony's eyes widen a little, but then she just shrugs. "I've been really craving meat lately." She takes another hungry bite.

My eyes narrow when I see a blotch of ketchup fall onto my sweater.

* * *

"I mean, can you believe her?" I sit on the bed with the phone pressed to my ear. It's evening and I've already patrolled, thankfully with Harmony staying behind. "First she acts like she has sit privileges at _our_ lunch table just because some computer decided to make us cellmates."

" _I'm sure it's not easy for her,_ " says Willow on the other end. " _All her other friends are gone, and she doesn't know anybody else. And she's nicer now, remember? She was really trying to be our friend, and I don't think it was for selfish reasons._ "

And this is coming from Willow, who I'm pretty sure was the President of the 'We Hate Harmony' club. "Fine. But what about my sweater? It was bad enough when she looked through my clothes, but now she's _borrowing_ them? You can't believe the stuff I have to put up with."

" _I guess it's hard,_ " Willow admits. I know she isn't having any problems with Tara, so it would be hard for her to understand. But I'm happy for Willow. She's found a new friend, one she gets along with really well; one who understands magic. I only wish I had the same. " _I'm sure the sweater thing was an accident._ "

"I guess. But I don't think I can take another day of this." I hear footsteps in the hallway and look towards the door. "I think she's come back from the bathroom. I'll call you back." I hang up the phone just as Harmony walks through the door.

"Good, you're done," she says. "I was gonna call Cordy. Last time I spoke to her, she'd started working at some demon investigation company."

I wince, knowing which company and who's running said company.

* * *

The tingles at the back of my neck pull me from my sleep. They were they before, but now they're stronger and it feels like there's someone on my bed…

I sit up and see who it is. "Harmony?"

She jumps up. "Sorry!"

I reach over to the bedside table and turn on the lamp. "What are you doing on my-?"

"Nothing!"

She's hiding something. Harmony was never a good liar in school, and even though she's different now – nicer – that hasn't changed. " _Harmony_."

She sighs and sits back down again. "I'm sorry. I thought I could control myself. I thought I could resist these urges."

"Urges?" What urges? What's she talking about?

"You have _no idea_ how hard it is to stay away from you."

"What?" Now I'm really, _really_ confused.

"I mean…seeing you there looking so…so luscious."

Luscious? She thinks I'm luscious? Suddenly it hits me what she's talking about. "Oh!" I never would've guessed it. But suddenly it all makes sense; why she's been friendly towards me and apologizing for her behaviour, and then there were those times back in high school when she pretended to have a boyfriend and kept saying that he went to a different school. And taking into account that she's seemingly changed over the summer… "You're a-"

"I should've told you, I know!" she says. "But I was…scared, that if you found out what I was you'd kill me."

Kill her? Why would I kill her for being a lesbian?

"Oh. No, Harmony!" I tell her. "God, do you really think I'm that narrow-minded?" I mean, yeah, I went through the narrow-minded faze at the beginning of senior year, but that was about vampires and souls, not about sexuality. Though I can see where Harmony might be confused. I didn't think she even _knew_ about all that.

She sends me a confused look. "But I thought that's…what you're like, you know?"

" _Please_ , Harmony," I tell her, sending her an encouraging smile. "I don't care if you're a lesbian."

"A…" She frowns, for a moment looking even more confused, but then she quickly nods. "Yeah, I'm a…lesbian." Wow, she really must've been locked in that closet tight. "You…really don't mind?"

"No! Just as long as you're happy." Again, I send her a smile.

"Happy…" She turns away, sighing. "What's that? The last time I remember being truly happy was when I was back in school with Cordy." She crushed on Cordelia? OK, that makes sense; they hung out a lot, Harmony tried to be just like her, and then hated it when Cordy started dating Xander… "And now here I am, taking advantage of you."

"No, you're not," I assure her. "It's…it's just… I had no idea… Do you really think of me that way?"

"No, I don't, I swear!" she tells me. "I just…haven't had any for a while… Ugh, forget it. This is stupid. I'll just go back to bed. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be," I tell her. "I'm flattered, really, but I just don't swing that way. And if you wanna stay up and talk about this…"

"No, I'd better…" She goes back to her own bed, and when she lies down, she turns to face me. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." I turn off the lamp and lie down, thinking that maybe things between me and Harmony won't be so bad, after all. In a friendship way, of course.

* * *

"Harmony's a lesbian?"

I nod. "Explains a lot, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess," says Willow. She, Tara and I are sat outside in the sun between classes. "And that could be why she's nicer. I mean, I don't know much about coming out of the closet, or anything, but remember Larry? He used to be a jerk before he told everyone he's gay, and then he was one of the nicest guys in our class."

"Yeah, I remember," I say sadly. Larry was one of the first to die in battle against the Mayor. "And can you not say anything to her? She didn't say so, but she might not want anyone to know yet. I got the feeling that she's still unsure about it herself."

"My lips are sealed. Ooh." Willow's eyes light up. "If she's feeling left out, maybe she and Tara can hang?"

I turn to Tara. "You're gay, too?"

She nods, not knowing where to look. "Y-yes. But I d-don't think y-your friend is."

I frown. "Harmony?"

She nods again. "I r-read…auras. I c-can tell all s-sorts of things ab-about p-people b-by reading their…their auras. Harmony isn't g-gay. B-but there _is_ s-something d-different about her."

"What?" Willow asks, also surprised by Tara's words.

"I-I don't kn-know," says Tara. "It-it's like there's s-something b-blocking me from r-reading her p-properly. I-I don't really kn-know what it is; s-some kind of…m-magic, I think."

I look away, processing her words. What's magical about Harmony? And if she's not a lesbian, why did she tell me that she is? But…she didn't really tell me. I said it first, and she just went along with it. But why?

* * *

When I'm outside the dorm, I hear laughter from inside. One belongs to Harmony, and the other sounds familiar but I can't put my finger on who it belongs to…

I open the door and step inside. I'm surprised by what I see.

"Parker?"

He and Harmony are sat on her bed, talking and laughing. And flirting with each other. The rage from before – when Harmony spilt ketchup on my sweater – comes back, but this time I let it burn. She tells me she's a lesbian, and then she goes and flirts with the guy _I_ like? Did she just tell me that so I wouldn't suspect her of something like this?

They both turn towards me and Parker jumps off the bed. "Hey! I just stopped by to say…that, and to bring you girls these." He opens up his rucksack and takes something out. "To maximize your dining hall exports."

He hands me a box filled with plastic bags. That's really sweet of him, going out of his way to help a freshman girl like me. Usually the older students aren't so friendly. Maybe Parker's different. Maybe he won't be nothing, after all.

"That's so…" I begin to say.

But Harmony interrupts, smiling widely. "Parker was just gonna leave his number and go, but we started talking and he's such a blast! Time just flew!"

"Time, really?" I ask. "How much time?"

Parker frowns. "I'm not sure. We sorta got caught up talking about the Red Wings." He smiles down at her then. I don't like it. "Harmony's a closet hockey fan."

Really? Or did she just say that to impress him?

"I told you that was just between us!" Harmony laughs, giving him a playful shove. "But I guess it's not a bad thing to admit, now that I'm a college girl. If that got out back in high school, I would've _died_."

"Maybe you just like it because of the sweaty men," Parker teases.

"Stop!" She gives him another shove.

I walk past them towards my bed, trying to hide how much I'm seething inside. "Look, if you two are gonna keep talking, do you mind taking it outside? I have work to do."

Parker gives me an apologetic look. "Sorry. I didn't realize." He walks towards the door, dejected, and Harmony looks equally upset.

So much for fun-loving, college-girl Buffy. Now I'm party-pooper Buffy. "Wait, Parker," I say as I hurry to stop him. "I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's cool," he tells me. "I should go anyway."

I smile. "Well, it was great of you to stop by…"

"You're welcome." He turns towards Harmony. "I'll see you later, Harmony." And then he leaves.

He's seeing Harmony later. That's it.

I turn towards her, and my anger must be written all over my face, because she cowers. "What was that all about?"

"We were just talking," she tries to explain.

I shake my head. "Yeah? It looks like you were flirting to me. What happened to being a lesbian, huh? Or did that not take?"

"I just told you that-"

"So what?" I ask. "So I wouldn't suspect anything when you went around stealing my potential boyfriends? I thought you'd changed like you said, but maybe you haven't. Maybe you're just the same, stuck-up bitch you were back in high school!"

Suddenly she slaps me, and I reel back from how surprisingly strong she is. "Stop being mean!" she yells.

I slap her back and she yelps. "Look who's talking!"

I hear the shifting of skin, and my eyes widen when Harmony turns back to me with a growl, revealing a bumpy forehead, yellow eyes and fangs.

My reaction is instant. I duck down by my bed, bring out a stake, turn, and stake her in the chest. She cries out in pain as I yank it out…but instead of Harmony turning to dust before my eyes, the wound just heals. My eyes widen further.

Harmony loses her vamp face and stares at me in disbelief. "I can't believe you just _did_ that! I love this top!"

I stare at her. "You didn't…you're a…"

"Vampire, I know," she says. "That's what I was trying to tell you last night, but then you thought I was a lesbian, and I just went with it because I was afraid you'd stake me."

"Can't imagine why." The grip on my stake tightens. "But what's with the no 'turning to dust' thing? And I've seen you out in the sun."

"That's because of this." She holds up her hand and points to the gold and green ring on her finger. "It's a gem that protects vampires from what usually kills them."

Meaning that the stake in my hand won't kill her, so I lower it. I _have_ been wondering about that ring. It doesn't look like something Harmony would wear, and I've never seen her without it. She even wears it to bed with her. I wonder if it'll stop me from beheading her…

But why hasn't she eaten us yet, or even _tried_? True, she looked like she was gonna take a bite last night – and that really makes sense now, even more so than the lesbian excuse – but recalling her words, she didn't _want_ to. My blood probably just called out to her. It's Slayer blood, after all. No vampire alive – OK, undead – can resist the lure of Slayer's blood. Even Angel had trouble a lot of the time. The fact that Harmony's been able to for this long is pretty impressive.

"I…that…I mean… I don't get it. Any of this." I really, really don't know what to say.

"I haven't been killing anyone! Look!" She hurries over to the fridge and opens it. There are packets of blood stacked inside, similar to the ones Angel uses. "I go down to the butchers and buy it all. It's weird that they don't ask any questions, but…" She shrugs. "I'll explain everything, I _promise_. Just…don't stake me again, OK?"

I don't get it, how Harmony can be this nice as a _vampire_ , of all things, but…actions speak louder than words. Harmony's not that smart, so she probably doesn't have some grand plan where she makes friends with everyone before killing us in our sleep. She's been nicer to us than she ever was back in high school, and she deserves a chance to explain herself.

"OK," I tell her. "We'll call the others, go to Giles's, and you can explain."

* * *

It's kinda funny – and also kinda harsh – when Harmony shifts into game face and everyone jumps across the room to get as far away from her as possible. The only one who doesn't is Tara, who just watches Harmony in curiosity.

When Giles and Oz bring out the crosses, I stand in front of Harmony to stop them from doing anything stupid. "Guys, it's OK. She's been a vampire the whole time. If she was gonna kill us, she would've already done it. It's still Harmony."

"That's not Harmony!" Xander proclaims.

Giles nods. "Xander is right. Remember what I taught you, Buffy. Contrary to what you think, this isn't Harmony. She may look like her and possess the memories of the girl you once knew, but all you are looking at is the demon that killed her."

"But I don't _feel_ any different," Harmony protests. "Should I?"

"Your knowledge of right and wrong fades and you feel no remorse for anything you do," Giles supplies helpfully.

Harmony just frowns. "But I know the difference between right and wrong. Killing people is bad and having friends is good. Buffy's fashion sense is cool while Xander still dresses like he did five years ago."

Xander looks offended. "Hey!"

"Wait," Willow speaks up. "When did Harmony get turned?"

"Graduation," says Harmony. "There was so much fighting I don't think anyone saw."

I bite my lip, feeling bad that I let that slip under the radar. She wasn't the only one who died, but still…

"So how come we saw you out in the sun?" Willow asks.

Harmony holds up her hand, showing them the ring. "This protects me. It's called the Gem or…Mara, or something like that."

"The Gem of Amara." Giles puts down his cross and goes over to his bookcase. "The Watchers Council always suspected that it was nothing more than a myth. The vampire equivalent of the Holy Grail." He takes out a book and walks back over while flicking through the pages.

"Never thought you'd go _Indiana Jones_ on us, Harmony," says Xander.

"I don't know what that means, but I didn't find it," she explains. "My sire did. Bryan. He was getting it for his boss, but I don't know who that is. I never met him."

"So, you turned over a new leaf and stopped him?" asks Willow.

"No." Harmony shakes her head. "When he told me that vampires can see their reflections with the Gem, I took it from him and staked him." I sigh. Typical Harmony. "Being a vampire sucks! The only guy I tried to eat got stuck in my teeth, and it was gross. And when he fought back, I broke a nail! It grew back pretty quickly, but… When Bryan got the Gem, I realized that if I had it, I could be a normal girl again. And I was kinda getting tired of lying to my parents about suddenly having a sun allergy."

My eyebrows rise. "Your parents don't know?" I'm surprised that they haven't already figured it out themselves. Harmony always makes a big show of going to the beach over the summer, and to suddenly stop going over something as ridiculous as a sun allergy would sound a little suspicious. Then again, if her parents are anything like her…

"I can't tell them! If they find out I'm dead, they'll cut me off!"

"So you decided to live the college life and hope no one ever found out?" asks Xander. "You don't get the urge to kill everyone when you're in class, surrounded by edible people?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not eating anyone. I already showed Buffy. I'm buying pig's blood, and some cow's blood, too. It tastes nicer than human blood, anyway. And it's not as sticky. I really don't know why I was tempted last night…"

"Slayer blood," I tell her. "I don't know any vampire who can resist the call of Slayer's blood. For someone who's been newly turned, you've been resisting really well."

"I don't get it." Xander looks between us all in confusion. "Is this the first time that being turned into a vampire has made someone _nicer_?"

Tara speaks up. "Her aura isn't d-dark like it is w-with a-a lot of vampires. It's v-very human."

Willow moves forwards and takes a seat next to her roommate. "If Tara says that Harmony's not bad, then I don't think she's bad, either." Oz nods and takes a seat next to her.

"It is completely unprecedented and highly unusual," says Giles, "but actions do speak louder than words. And if you say that Harmony has done nothing that would cause any alarm, then I am inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. Would you mind if I write down your experiences, Harmony?"

She shrugs. "I guess."

Xander sighs. "If you're all going along with this, then I guess I don't have much of a choice. Right now, I'm only doing this because I know Harmony's a terrible liar."

I watch as Harmony relaxes again and goes back to being her happy self. It's weird seeing a vampire act like this – act so _human_ – but it's like Giles said. Actions speak louder than words. Harmony may not have a soul now, but that hasn't changed who she is. If anything, it's made her a better person.

Souls don't make the difference. It's the choices we make. Angel wanted to do good when he got his soul, but the soul didn't stop him from falling in love with a fifteen-year-old girl, nor did it stop his lust from trying to take control.

It's just further proof that Angel never truly loved me.

* * *

"Look. There's Harmony and Parker."

I turn away from Oz's band on the stage and glance over at the pool table, where Harmony is watching Parker play. It's been a week since the incident – when I caught her with him in our room and found out that she's actually a vampire – and I'm over it. Parker's just more into her, and it's fine.

I can't help but feel happy for her, especially after she admitted that Parker is her first ever serious boyfriend. Even though they've only been hanging out for a week.

"Yep," I say, before turning back to watch the band.

But Willow won't let up. "They've spent all week together."

"Not _all_ week," I say. "They've hung out…moderately." I think she feels sorry for me, that I didn't get my shot with Parker. But I'm fine with it.

"Should we go and say hello?" asks Willow.

I shake my head. "They probably don't even know we're here. And we shouldn't crowd them."

The band finishes playing and Oz walks over to us. "You guys ready to pack up and go?"

"Not yet," says Willow. "Buffy's watching Parker and Harmony." She points to the mirror, where we can see both in the reflection. "Hey, the ring really _does_ give Harmony a reflection."

"She must've almost died for real without it," I comment. I can't imagine what it would be like to live – or unlive – without being able to see yourself in the mirror. Would you have to take a picture of yourself every morning? And how does Angel get all of that gel in his hair if he can't see where he's putting it?

Nope. No thinking about Angel. No more miserable Buffy.

I feel tingles at the back of my neck. Vampire, but not a threat. I turn to see Harmony and Parker standing behind us. "I was gonna head back to the dorm," says Harmony. "You coming?"

"Yeah." I get to my feet and grab my coat.

"Should I walk you girls back?" Parker suggests. "It's dangerous at this time of night."

"We're fine," says Harmony. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

She waves him off, and I say goodbye to Willow before Harmony and I walk outside. "It's probably best that he doesn't walk home with us," I say. "If a vamp attacks us, _we'll_ be the ones saving _him_ and his ego will be wounded."

Harmony shrugs in agreement. "When should I tell him? You know, about being a vampire?"

"You're asking the wrong girl," I tell her. "In my experience, being the Slayer ruined my dating life. Normal guys are pretty much out of the question in terms of serious relationships, because I could get them killed. And when I tried dating a vampire, he turned evil and tried to end the world."

"Bummer. I guess dating really _does_ suck when you're living this kind of life. Or unliving this…unlife… Does that make sense?"

"I know what you mean." I smile.

"But Parker's really understanding," says Harmony, when we're closer to the dorms. "He really _gets_ it. He told me that his father passed away last year, and since then he doesn't put stuff off. Seize the day is his motto; live life to the full. And I should do the same…even though I'm dead now."

We get back to our room. "I'd wait for a while before you drop the 'I'm a member of the undead' bomb on him. Tell him when it gets serious and you think he's the one." I walk over to my wardrobe and I'm about to take off my shirt when I realize that the door is still open. "Could you shut that?"

"I'm just about to head into the shower." Harmony tucks her wash-bag under her arm and makes for the open door.

Suddenly she screams, dropping her bag and hurrying backwards, just as I hear a loud growl coming from the hallway.

"Bloody hell!"

I freeze. I know that voice.

"Who are you?" Harmony demands, her voice trembling.

"I'm like you, luv. Don't you know another vampire when you see one? And how come there's a barrier here?"

Spike. Back in Sunnydale. I warned him not to come back, but I guess I should've known better.

I step into view, bringing my arms across my chest. "There's a barrier because _I_ live here, too."

Spike's eyes narrow. " _You_."

"Me." I grab Spike by the throat and push him back out into the hallway, pinning him against the wall. I then turn to the gaping spectators in the hall and yell, "Burglar! Get in your rooms!"

They don't need telling twice and scatter, clearing the hallway in seconds.

"Thought the bint would've eaten her roommate," Spike says aloud to himself. "So why is the Slayer roomin' with a vamp, of all creatures?"

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out," I tell him. "Why are you back in Sunnydale, Spike? Did Dru dump you again?"

He growls in anger and pushes me away. "Maybe I dumped _her_!"

I roll my eyes. "Answer the question, Spike." I turn, and Harmony chucks a stake into my hand, which I hold ready. "Or Mr. Pointy gets to make a new friend."

"I want what she has." Spike points into the room, at Harmony. "The Gem of Amara."

Harmony holds her hand and the Gem close to her chest, shaking her head. "Well, you can't have it! It's mine! I need it."

"Need it?" His eyebrow rises. "For what? To pretend that you're a normal girl? What kind of vampire are you?"

"Yeah? Well, I like her," I say. "And you'll have to go through me if you want the Gem."

Spike rolls his eyes. "Knew I should've come here to get it myself in the first place," he says aloud to himself. Does Spike just love the sound of his own voice, or something? "Never should've trusted Bryan."

"Bryan?" says Harmony. "He was my sire. I staked him and took the Gem."

He growls. "You staked your own sire?"

"Does it matter?" I say. "You're not getting the Gem, Spike. Now hold still." I go to stake him, but he grabs my hand, twists it painfully, and I drop the stake with a startled cry. I yank my hand away and stumble back into my room. He tries to follow, but hits the barrier again.

"If you hand over the Gem, I'll leave peacefully," says Spike. "I won't bother you or your lot again for as long as I unlive."

Yeah, right. "I'll believe that when pigs fly, Spike. You promised me that before, and what happened? I found you drunk and heartbroken in my kitchen, talking to my mother over hot chocolate." Though really, I can't be mad at him about that. If he hadn't come back, then I never would've made all those realizations about Angel…

"I'm not leaving until I have it," he says, and then he hurries away down the hall, disappearing into the night.

I step out again to grab the stake I dropped, before stepping back inside and slamming the door behind me. "Are you OK?" I ask Harmony.

She nods. "Who was that?"

"Spike," I reply. "Vampire. Dangerous. Whatever you do, don't invite him in and stay away from him. Understand?"

She nods again, eyes wide.

* * *

I check out Spike's usual haunts – the factory and even the mansion – and I stop by my house to ask Mom if he's come by. She hasn't seen him.

It's only after I do this do I remember that Spike's smart; he wouldn't go to the same places more than once. Especially if he's planning on laying low until he gets the Gem. Judging by what he said, he was never planning on returning to Sunnydale at all; just sent a minion to do his work.

I always knew that Spike won't go down easily. Paralyzing him in that church was just luck. He's a master vampire, one of the best – one who's well known for killing two Slayers – and I need to remember that. He may be annoying, but he's also dangerous. I'm really just lucky to be alive.

After a check at Willy's that reveals nothing, I stop by Giles's place to report.

"Nothing so far," I say. "But Spike's not a patient guy. He'll show."

"And you have to be ready for him," Giles tells me. "Until he reappears, I suggest that you stay with Harmony. Do not let her go out on her own after dark. She may be a vampire, but up against Spike she is as helpless as she would be if she were still human."

I sigh. "Can I start _after_ tonight? Harmony's going with Parker to this party, and I don't wanna ruin it for her. And being third-wheel Buffy isn't exactly fun for me, either."

"So you would rather her go out alone with this boy, encounter Spike and be forced to watch as Spike kills an innocent student before taking the Gem from her and perhaps even staking her?"

Well, when he puts it that way… "I'll go. It might not be so bad."

* * *

Not so bad would've been meeting a guy at the party only to lose him to another girl. Not so bad would've been just sitting in moderate silence while watching everyone else have a good time. Not so bad would've been spilling my drink all over my new pants.

Not so bad would've been anything other than sitting between kissing couples, one couple being Harmony and Parker.

"Do you wanna dance?" asks Parker, when they break apart for the sixth time. Or is it the seventh?

I can't help but comment with, "Why don't you just have a meaningful talk instead?"

Harmony nudges me with her elbow while Parker ignores me completely. He's been doing that all night. What's weird is that he was always friendly to me before, so why stop now? It could be that he wants to be alone with Harmony and thinks that if he ignores me for long enough, I'll leave…

"We can dance," says Harmony. "Buffy and I just need to get drinks first." Without even asking me she grabs my hand and yanks me off the couch.

When we reach the drinks table, I turn to her and say, "I'm really sorry about that. You two were kissing for a long time, and…"

"I get it," she says, not looking mad in the slightest. I really need to get used to seeing Harmony like this. "You haven't had any in a while and you're feeling left out."

"Well, it was more to do with public indecency, but thanks for reminding me of that other thing," I say before grabbing a cup to fill up with punch.

To her credit, Harmony looks apologetic. "Sorry. I'm just really happy with Parker. You can go, if you like. I think Willow and Tara are at the Bronze watching Oz perform."

"But what about Spike?"

She takes out a wooden cross from her back pocket. "Totally on top of it. I just hope Parker doesn't ask."

"If the Sunnydale syndrome's rubbed off on him, then it'll go right over his head," I say. I then take a closer look at where the cross is in contact with her skin. "Wow. Not even a burn. That Gem works wonders. I can see why Spike wants it. This'll make it impossible for me to kill him."

"Or he just wants a suntan," says Harmony. "I mean, I know I'm with Parker, but I'm not blind. Spike's sex on a stick."

"Yeah," I reply without meaning to, and when it registers what I've just agreed with my eyes widen. "That admittance never sees the light of day."

"My lips are sealed." Harmony makes a big show of zipping her lips before taking a sip from her punch. "It's really OK if you go. I kinda wanna be alone with Parker, and I get the feeling that he wants the same. No offence."

"Totally understandable. I'd be the same if it was me," I assure her. "But please, if you see Spike, don't try and fight him. Run. Find a dorm and get an invite."

"Stacy from my fashion class lives a minute away. I can go to her place."

I nod. "Seriously, be careful. Spike might be sex on a stick, but that doesn't make him any less evil."

* * *

I walk into the Bronze and scan the crowd for any sign of my friends. Oz is performing on stage and is easy to spot, but it takes me a few minutes to find Willow and Tara in the crowd.

I notice some blonde girl trying to get Oz's attention – I think she's the lead singer of another band – but both Willow and Tara have moved in the way. I'm surprised by Tara's boldness, but I guess she's just following Willow and trying to be a good friend. For a few moments I watch them giggling together while watching Oz.

The song finishes and the band begin to pack up. Willow and Tara head back to their seats, both blatantly ignoring the glare from the blonde singer, and with Slayer hearing I'm able to pick up bits of their conversation. Willow talks about Oz's band before the subject changes to spells and magic. Even a blind guy can see that these two get along well. Willow's found her perfect match in a best friend sense, and I really can't be jealous over their perfection.

I decide to leave them to it. I can tell that I'll be third wheel Buffy here just as much as I was with Harmony and Parker.

* * *

I don't dare knock on Xander's front door, else face the wrath of his parents who'll most likely than not be drunk at this time of night. So instead I make my way around to the back of the house to where the basement entrance is.

I'm about to knock on the door when I hear a groan come from inside. So Xander's in a bad mood. Great. Xander's no fun when he's in one of these moods, but maybe I can cheer him up. Or not, since I'm only over here so we can be single and miserable together. Which can be fun. Sort of.

Wait, that's not a groan… I listen more closely and realize it's a moan. One of _those_ moans. Oh my god, if Xander's doing that to himself…not that _I_ haven't pleasured myself on those lonely nights… But hearing other people do it is just embarrassing for both parties involved.

Then I hear another voice. A girl. That sounds like…Anya?

I know she and Xander went to Prom together, but I thought that was because neither of them had anyone else to go with. I didn't think they had _this_ kind of relationship. Unless they're both desperate?

Either way, I won't be invited in anytime soon, so I back away and hurry into the night.

* * *

I don't know why, but I end up at Willy's.

"Oh, it's the Slayer!" Willy announces loudly. A few vamps at the back of the bar slip out. "Listen, Slayer, I don't want any trouble."

"I'm not here to cause any," I say, taking a seat at the bar.

He cringes. "Trouble might be inevitable." Then he nods to the guy next to me.

I look…and realize why my Slayer senses were going haywire.

Spike is sat there staring at me. But he's not glaring like I expect him to be doing; he's just…staring. "Evenin', Slayer. Don't want any trouble, either."

I could kick him out right now. I could run him out of town. I could fight him all over the bar and trash the place. But I really don't feel up to it. I was fine when I first left Harmony and Parker alone – and since Spike's here, that means she's OK – but seeing my other friends not alone has turned me into depressed Buffy. Like third wheel Buffy wasn't already bad enough.

I shrug. "Fine. Temporary truce. Give me your best shot, Willy."

"I don't think you're old enough, Slayer…"

"But I'm strong enough." I send him a meaningful look. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm beyond caring. I need a drink, and I need it now.

Willy complies by pouring out a shot and sliding it across the bar to me. I gulp it down with one swing.

"Changed your mind about the ring yet, Slayer?" Spike asks, clutching his own drink in both hands.

"You're not getting it, Spike," I tell him. "Harmony needs that ring. She's trying to be something other than a monster, and I'm supporting her all the way. You'll just use the ring to start killing people during the day."

He rolls his eyes. "I'm not _that_ bloody stupid. Gettin' caught doin' something like that ain't on my to-do list. Was actually thinkin' 'bout gettin' a suntan. Wanted to know if I freckled."

Spike with a suntan and freckles. I recall Harmony's words and find myself picturing him in swimming trunks, climbing out of the sea with the water dripping off of his golden skin with what I hope is a six pack on show… Oh my god, what am I _thinking_?!

"Yeah, well," I say quickly, pushing all thoughts of sexy Spike to the back of my brain, "you're still not getting it, so the mystery will have to go unsolved."

I turn back to Spike and see him staring at me with a raised eyebrow. "What's the matter, Slayer? Your heart sped up a bit there."

Damn vampires and their insanely good hearing. "Fine. Peachy. So, what's new with you?"

"What do you bloody _think_ is new with me?" He shakes his head, looking away. "Ask a stupid question…"

"Got it. Drusilla _did_ dump you again."

"Can't dump me again if we never got back together," he admits. "I went back to her after I left here. Thought that maybe if I tied her up and tortured her for a bit, she'd love me again. Always worked for soddin' Peaches. But instead of smoochin' with a Chaos demon, I found her fuckin' a _Fungus_ demon. At least a Chaos demon is somewhat humanoid…"

Drusilla's now having sex with sentient fungi. Ew.

"So, what?" I ask. "You thought getting the Gem of Amara would impress her?"

"Thought about it for a moment," he admits. "Then I thought: why should I go give it to her? This ain't the first time she's left me, but it's the longest. Other times she was gone for a few days, or a few weeks. Didn't know what she was doin' with herself half the time; just followed what the stars and soddin' pixies told her to do, even if that meant fuckin' another demon and rippin' my unbeatin' heart out. She always came back to me, though. I think part of her loved me in her own way, but… Her mind's not right. She can't love properly. Not in the way I want her to. And at the end of the day, I'll always be second best to her precious _Daddy_." He takes a huge gulp from his beer before slamming it down on the bar.

Recalling my own experience, I can't help but feel for him. "So you've realized that the love of your life isn't all that great?"

"More or less, yeah." He turns back to me. "What about the Royal Brooder? Haven't seen him around."

"We're not together," I tell him. "I hate you, Spike, but…what you told me last year really helped. What Angel felt for me wasn't real love; it was just lust. He wanted me again _so_ badly that he was willing to lose his soul again and go on to kill all of my friends. That's not love. To him I'm just a Darla replacement. And lusting after a fifteen-year-old girl? Ew."

"He always did like 'em young," says Spike. "Seein' you so young, with your blonde hair and lack of height… He couldn't resist you."

"Tell me about it." Willy fills up my shot glass again and I take another drink. "But it's not just that. Angel and I had so many problems between us, but I just chose to ignore it because I blindly followed my heart. 'Love is Blind' doesn't even _begin_ to describe what I felt for him. It's not gonna happen again."

He nods, taking another gulp of his beer. "I'll never find another woman like Dru."

I shrug in agreement. "And I'll never find a guy I can actually be with. Being the Slayer seriously ruins your dating life. I can't be with a normal guy. I can't go down the vampire route again. My options are seriously limited. I'm never gonna find love."

"Love's a funny thing," says Spike. "It's not brains; it's blood. Workin' its will until it kills you. Makes you do things you later regret. It changes you, for better or for worse. Sometimes you know you'll only get hurt, but you can't help it 'cause it just feels so bloody good. We're slaves to love; its bitches. And I'm one of the few who're man enough to admit it. I'll fall headlong into love and I don't care what it'll do to me."

I can't help but listen to his words as I drink, thinking about what he's saying. I'm the same when it comes to love; Angel is proof of that.

But love has to be more than that, right?

* * *

I awaken to hurried knocking at the door. I climb out of bed, and only when I'm on my feet do I realize that I'm naked. Good thing the curtains are closed, else the entire student body outside would've been given an eyeful.

I grab my towel and wrap it around me before walking over to the door and opening it. Harmony is on the other side, still wearing her clothes from the night before. I do a double take and look over at her untouched bed, only just realizing that she never came back last night. Things must've gone really well with Parker.

"Sorry if I woke you up," she apologizes. "I forgot my key last night and I'm late for class. Could you pass me my books?"

"Sure." I reach in and grab the pile off her desk. "Do you need any blood?"

"I'm good." She smiles. "I'm really, _really_ good."

And that smile speaks a thousand words. "Did it happen? With Parker? And by 'it' I mean…you know…"

She quickly nods, bursting with happiness. "It happened! It was _amazing_! He's gonna call." I hand her the books, and she looks like she's on the verge of jumping up and down like a little kid in a candy store. "This is just so…so… I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone! And he was just so understanding. I might be rushing into this really quickly, but it's like Parker said: Don't put stuff off. Seize the day."

"Oh, yeah." I remember what I said to Willow a few years ago, and then her telling me to do the same with Angel… "I've heard that a lot."

She nods and calms a little. "So, uh…how was your night?"

I shrug. "I was doing nothing."

"Aw, too bad," she says, deflating. "Maybe we can go out somewhere tonight? Parker's mom is coming to visit and he's taking her out to dinner, so I'm free."

"Sure. Make plans at lunch?"

"See you then. Bye!" She hurries away, skipping down the hall in the happiest mood I've seen her in.

I close the door and make my way back over to the bed. When I sit down, the covers move and Spike appears from underneath with curly bed hair.

"So, is 'nothing' my new nickname?"

* * *

Stupid. Thoughtless. Desperate. Drunk.

Guess I was all four last night.

I slept with Spike. _Spike_ , of all freaking people! No, not people. Spike isn't 'people'. And that makes it all the more worse, that I willingly slept with an evil demon.

Now I've got laid twice in my life, and both times were by vampires. What's wrong with me?

I don't realize that I've asked the question aloud until Spike speaks up. "Nothin' wrong with you, Slayer. Just have good taste, is all."

Good taste?! "No! No. _Not_ good taste. _Bad_ taste! Bad Buffy!" I get up and start to pace in panic. "I was stupid, I was thoughtless, I was desperate, and I was probably drunk too, because there is _no way_ in hell that I'd _ever_ sleep with you if I wasn't at least a _little_ bit drunk! And you turn around and say that I have _good_ taste?!"

"Bein' desperate's a given, seein' as we both haven't had any in a while," he says, still looking uncomfortably comfortable with this whole situation. "And yeah, you have good taste. You bedded me, didn't you? I was worried that you had a bleedin' tragic taste in men after the _last_ time you took one to bed."

I point an accusing finger at him. "You do _not_ want to bring Angel into this. I'm in a bad enough mood already."

"Thought it'd make you feel better, knowin' that you've stepped up in the world." He shrugs. He takes out a cigarette and lighter from god knows where and goes to light up, but I knock both from his hands before he can. "Oi!"

"Stepped up? Do you always have this high an opinion of yourself, or do I need to remove that stake shoved up your ass?"

"Do I need to ask the same 'bout you?" After searching for his misplaced cigarette and lighter, he goes to light up again – and once again I slap them both away. "Hey! Stop that!"

"Don't smoke in here! Do you know those things will kill you?" His eyebrows rise in a 'did you really just ask that?' way, and I realize what I've just said. Damn. Why do I always forget that he's dead? "They'll kill _me_."

He shrugs. "Wanna kill you anyway."

"Then why didn't you?" I ask. He could've killed me at any point last night, but he didn't. Mostly because he was obviously as drunk as I was, but after that when we were both asleep? He could've woken up and killed me, but he didn't. Sure, fair play, but me asleep in the same bed as him would be too tempting even for Spike.

Me asleep in the same bed as him… I shudder.

Again, he shrugs. "Thought we could have another round when we were sober. See if it's as mind-blowin' as I thought it was while sloshed."

"What?!" Did he just…? "Are you out of your mind?! In what universe would I _ever_ sleep with you again?!"

"One where you're obviously lonely and desperate enough," he says. "It's not some ploy to lure you into a false sense of security. I don't play like that. Just thought if we both enjoyed it, we could give it another go. Or several."

"You're delusional, and I _didn't_ enjoy it!"

He scoffs. "Sounded like you were enjoyin' it last night."

"I was _drunk!_ " I repeat. "Why would I trust the word of a vampire, anyway? And why are you suddenly trying to fuck me instead of kill me?"

"Because I've realized it's better to fuck a Slayer rather than kill her."

OK. That last straw has been drawn.

"Get out." I grab him by the ear, drag him out of my bed and over to the door.

"Hey! You soddin' bitch!" He's able to grab his pants along the way, but that's it. I open the door, throw him out into the corridor – sending several students scattering – before going back into the room, grabbing his remaining clothes and throwing them out on top of him. I take especial pleasure with his boots, hitting him on the head with both while he's attempting to cover up and avoid the gawking spectators.

I take aim with his lighter and hit him smack in the middle of his forehead, before I break his cigarette in half and let it drop in front of his feet.

In the background I hear some people clapping, but I don't care.

"You go, girl!"

"Show him!"

"Why is she dumping that guy? He's hot!"

"Can I have your number, hottie?"

Spike ignores them, too. "Slayer! It's daylight! And that bitch still has my ring!"

"It's not your ring, and I honestly couldn't care less if you go up in flames. No get the hell out of here before I remove that stake out of your ass and shove it where it _should_ be!"

"Up my arse again?"

I slam the door in his face.

Walking back over to my bed, I stare at the messed-up bed sheets. I can still smell the alcohol and the cigarette smoke and the leather, and taking it all in I can do nothing but collapse face first onto the bed with a painful groan.

First mistake of many people usually make in college? Check.

* * *

I pretend to search for Spike in order to get Giles off my back, but I really, _really_ don't want to see him. Only a small, miniscule fraction of me wants to – but only so I can kick his undead ass before I stake him.

I can't believe I slept with him. I know I was drunk and I wasn't thinking, but seriously? Spike? I'm pretty sure my drunken self can do _so_ much better than that. I'm not about to say that it couldn't have been worse, because it honestly could've been. At least Spike's good looking.

And I really need to stop thinking about Spike in that way.

I walk across the campus, pouting to myself. Am I ever gonna have a decent sexual experience in my life? The first guy I slept with lost his soul. The second guy was _Spike_. Though I guess I can't have sex with a normal guy; I'll be too afraid that I might break something. I can't really give it my all if it'll put the guy in hospital. At least with vampires I can go all out and really enjoy myself.

Not that there was much to enjoy during my first time, it being my, well, first time. And I can't remember much from my second since I was drunk, though the bits that I do remember felt pretty good…

I shake my head. Bad Buffy. There will be no good thoughts about sex with the evil vampire. Xander needs to invent that brain bleach he claims to need all the time, and fast.

Think about something else. Harmony. Yes, that's good. Harmony's in a nice relationship with Parker…who hasn't called her back, despite it being a week. I found her on the verge crying in our room; she was just staring at the phone, like the '0' on the answering machine was her worst enemy. I can't understand why Parker won't call her. They were getting along so well together, and he seemed really into her. Maybe something's come up? Maybe something's happened to him?

I think 'not' when I see him across the campus, talking to a girl. One foot's leaning on the bench in a typically charming way – he has the cool look down stat – and as I get closer, I hear what he's saying.

"I mean, it hit me hard, you know? My dad… Since then I just haven't put stuff off, you know?"

His father died, I remember Harmony telling me the day after she slept with him. But then something nags at the back of my brain; another memory. Standing in the cafeteria with Parker, him giving me tips on how to save on cash and get extra out of my meals, saying that his father doesn't give him a lot of money…

The same father who's supposed to be dead? Yeah, something really doesn't add up here. And the way he's looking at that girl makes it all the clearer what's really going on.

"Parker?" I say, announcing my presence. I clench my fist to try to hold back my anger.

Parker turns. At first, he looks surprised to see me, but then he just sends me a smile; that so-called charming smile that screams 'be charmed by me and I'll show you how sweet and sensitive I can be'. "Buffy, hi. This is Katie." He nods to the girl, who gives me a smug look; the 'this hottie's interested in me, and you're not stealing him' look. Yeah, her bubble's about to be burst. "What's up?"

"Oh, I just wanted to give you some advice about consistency," I say.

He frowns. "Consistency?"

"When you tell a story, you have to be consistent," I say. "For instance, you need to remember which family relative is supposed to have died tragically. Preferably not the father you told me about a few weeks ago. You know, the same one you said doesn't give you enough cash? I can't remember you mentioning him coming back from the dead."

The girl's smile fades and so does Parker's. "I, err… I was talking about my step-dad who…doesn't give me a lot of money. He's like a father to me."

"Not much of a father figure then, is he? And you said your father passed away a year ago," I point out. "So, you got close to step-father in that little amount of time? And if he's like a father to you, why is the so called "death" of your real father still affecting you to the point where you're using it as a chat up line to get girls into bed with you? I think you're just a big fat liar on a big male slutty freshman crawl. How many have you slept with so far? Ten? How many were there before Harmony? How many have there been _since_ Harmony?"

The girl finally catches on to what I'm saying, and after giving a disgusted huff in Parker's direction, she leaves.

"Katie, wait!" But the girl doesn't stop, and Parker turns to glare angrily at me. "Who the hell do you think you are, ruining that for me?! Katie and I had a good thing going."

"So did you and Harmony," I say. "You remember Harmony, right? My roommate? The same roommate who's been on the verge of crying all week because you never called her back?"

"Harmony and I were just playing around," says Parker. "I thought she knew that. I'm sorry if she didn't, but…"

"No." I shake my head. "You don't get to put the blame on her. You knew _exactly_ what you were doing. You pretended to make it seem serious in order to get her into bed, and after you got what you wanted, you dumped her like yesterday's pizza. You're a good actor, I'll give you points for that. But you're not gonna get away with this."

"Oh yeah?" he laughs. "And who's gonna stop me? You?"

I shrug. "I've faced scarier monsters than you."

"Oh, I'm a monster now?" he says. "How about I go to Harmony and tell her you tried to come onto me? Who's she gonna believe, her charming new boyfriend or a girl she used to hate back in high school?"

"She told you about that, huh?"

"She told me that you used to be a loser, yeah," he says. I can't imagine this new Harmony phrasing it like that; probably Parker's own words and assumptions. "Maybe I just need to put you in your place just like she used to."

His hand rises to slap me. Fighting vampires and demons every night makes me forget how slow humans can be, and it's almost like Parker's moving in slow motion. It takes me barely any effort to grab his wrist, stopping him, and I resist the urge to yawn and show him just how little a threat he is to me. When his eyes widen a little in shock, I smirk and squeeze. Not hard enough to do any damage, but enough to let him know just how strong I am. His eyes widen further.

"How about you don't sleep with anymore girls if you don't want me to make you regret it?" I say in the sweetest tone I can muster. "I'm dead serious."

"Parker?"

We turn and see Harmony approaching. I hope this isn't what it looks like, else I'll be in trouble.

"Harm, baby," says Parker in that sickeningly charming tone. "Your roommate won't leave me alone. She-"

"I heard everything," she says, and I notice that she's close to tears. I didn't sense her nearby, so that's pretty good vamp hearing she's got. Thank goodness, otherwise I would've had a lot of explaining to do. "I thought you really liked me, but you just… Did I do something wrong?"

I shake my head. "No, it wasn't you, Harmony. Parker's just a jerk."

"Hey!" He pulls against my grip. "I'm standing right here!"

I turn to him. "Does it look like I care?" After giving his hand a disgusted look, I release it. I make a note to give my hand a serious wash later.

"You just…" Harmony looks between us both. "You _used_ me? Why would you do that? I thought you were gonna be my everything, and you just used me and tossed me aside like I meant nothing to you."

"That's because you didn't."

Ooh, bad choice of words, Parker. With a growl that sounds somewhere between angry and tearful, Harmony vamps out and runs at him. Parker screeches like a little girl – wow, he is _so_ pathetic – and runs, and I hold Harmony back before she gives chase. It'll do no one any kind of good if Harmony is seen chasing Parker with her vamp face on show.

"Let him go," I tell her. "He's not worth it."

Harmony takes in several deep breaths until she's calm enough to slip out of her vamp face. "I thought he was… I…" She turns and buries her face into my top, crying her eyes out.

I can do nothing but rub her back soothingly.

* * *

I drop Harmony off with Willow and Tara so I can patrol. Tara even offered to make a brew that can help with heartbreak.

Just as I walk away from the building, I see Xander hurrying in the opposite direction. Willow called him earlier, so he's probably coming to see if Harmony's OK – and isn't that a big turnaround from his previous thoughts about her?

Before he reaches the building, I see Anya appear in front of him, smiling. Straining my ears, I'm able to hear what they're saying.

"Xander, I was looking for you," says Anya. "You weren't in your musty basement. Look, about what happened… I said I was over you, but…"

But Xander just looks past her towards the building and shakes his head. "Anya, I don't have time." He hurries past her, missing the look of hurt and disappointment that crosses Anya's face. She doesn't look as bad as Harmony, but…

Guys suck. They sleep with girls, and then they ditch them. Are we not enough for them? Are we supposed to be sex goddesses on our first times else the guy will lose interest? Does sex mean anything to guys, or is it just a way to get their "rocks off"? Sex is supposed to be meaningful and passionate, isn't it?

Maybe Angelus was right about what he said to me before.

I take out my frustration on the few vampires I encounter on patrol – not as many as there should be, but I'm too mad to care – before I head back to the dorms. Harmony's asleep on Willow's bed, and both Willow and Tara say it's OK to let her stay there for the night instead of wake her up again, so I leave them and make my way back to my own dorm room. When I get there my vamp sense goes haywire, and I give a frustrated sigh when I see who it belongs to.

"I'm really, _really_ mad right now," I tell Spike. "Which I guess is good for me. That means I can beat you up and I'll probably win."

Spike's leaning against the door, and I push him aside as I take out my key. "I don't want a fight, Slayer. I wanna talk about the other night…"

"Yeah? Well I really, really don't." I open the door, take off my jacket and throw it across the room. Spike follows me inside. Oh yeah, I haven't revoked his invitation yet – mainly because I'm still thinking up a good excuse to give to Willow. "And I'm pretty sure you said enough the morning after it happened."

He nods. "Yeah, I know. I was an utter wanker, and I shouldn't have said that." He sounds… surprisingly sincere. But I don't wanna hear it. I want him out, or better yet, I want my stake sticking out of his chest moments before he turns to dust.

"Ugh!" I throw both my shoes at him; he ducks to avoid them and they hit the wall. "I've had it with men! And you're probably the worst of them all, coming back to tell me _all about_ how much I sucked the other night. Have you come to rub it in my face that I'm not worth a second go? All men are the same; Angel, Parker and even Xander. Is it some kind of stupid birth defect that comes with the penis? A license to act like a complete asshole, or something like that?"

"Buffy, if you let me-"

"So sleeping with me gives you the right to use my first name now?!" I yell. I don't really know why I'm mad at him for that, but I'm not gonna think it through. I'm just mad at him overall. "Being a vampire doesn't change anything. Men are stupid, and selfish, and-and-"

Suddenly Spike's lips are on mine.

Toe-curling kiss. Shutting up now.

Spike's kissing me – Spike lips, lips of Spike – but _god_ , is he a good kisser. I can't help but kiss him back, but I need to breathe and with that need to breathe comes the reminder of who I'm kissing, and I push myself away from him. I stare at him, taking in deep breaths.

For his part, Spike looks just as shocked as I am.

He speaks before I can. "Look, I meant what I said before, alright? What happened between us the other night… I enjoyed it. Thought you were bloody magnificent. And if you're up for it, I wouldn't mind givin' it a second go."

He…he thought I was magnificent? He actually wants another round with me? I shake my head. No. This is wrong, and sex with Spike can only lead to bad things. "Shall I repeat my response from before?"

"I know what you're thinkin'. I'm thinkin' the same," he says, not knowing where to look. "Know it's wrong. This should never happen between us, but… I can't get you out of me. The feel of you, your scent, your voice… You're all I've bloody been able to think about since it happened. I'm _drownin'_ in you, Summers. It won't go away."

I don't know what to say. Well, other than, "So you think sleeping with me again will solve the problem?"

"I don't know!" he admits. "All I know is that I want you."

Really, what can I say to this? How can I respond to this kind of declaration? What else can I do?

Other than kiss him again?

So I do.


End file.
